Jay and I go back 20 years. We worked together at a place called Perkins. He watched me, teased me, I teased him, and we laughed a lot. When I graduated from high school, I was often down on myself because I wasn't going 'out' like a lot of other friends. This is nothing new, if you know me at all, I have a terrible self image. Jay offered to take me out. At the time, I was 17 and Jay was 25. He came to my house to pick me up. He had a single red rose for me. He met my parents. He walked me out to his car and opened the car door for me.
Jay was *and is* easy to talk to. His blue eyes were *and are* piercing. They are the type of eyes that allow you to see all the way into the soul. He would get mad if I tried to open my own door. He opened doors at the restaurant. I felt like myself around him.
There was one day that he took me to Cascade Falls. It's a beautiful place and off the beaten path. As we waded in the water, he took me by the hand and said, "I love you." I know that I was taken aback. No guy had ever told me that he loved me first...not before him or after him. And...I believed him. The feeling was mutual.
In time, life became busy for Jay. I was a teenager and 'needy'. My mother had told Jay to watch himself since I was considered jail bait (I didn't know that at the time). We split shortly after I found out that I had mono, but not by choice. The pain was unbearable. Looking back now, it had to be as it was. I started college in the spring semester of 1996 and earned my bachelor's degree several years later.
I moved on. Married. I had 3 beautiful children. My marriage wasn't what it appeared. The smoke and mirrors hid a lot. I hid a lot. The last 20 years have truly shaped who I am. I have become an adult. I am less needy and more independent. However, I am more fearful of life, I am a walking wounded in more ways than one, and I have become more aware of who I am and what I'm made of.
One day, out of the blue, I heard a song that reminded me of Jay. The love I'd had for him never really died, but had been tucked away in my heart. I had searched for him off and on over the years, but never had managed to find him. This time when I searched for him...I found him! We began talking again and I realized that my love for him *and his for me* was still very much there.
In December 2013, Jay sold most of what he had, and moved to Arizona. If you read about Cora's stay in the hospital, you know that Jay stayed with me the whole week while I was there. He made sure that I ate and got me out so that I wasn't staying in her room 24/7. Even when I did get out of the room, I felt guilty. Jay was with me when Cora passed. He grieved her as if she was his own child. He helped me with funeral arrangements.
In the months since, he has been a sounding board, a friend, a shoulder to cry on, someone to hold my hand, drive me to the ER, take care of me or the girls when we've been sick, helps cook, clean, do dishes *sometimes when the oldest child is not doing them*, and is generally my helpmate. I get kisses throughout my day and am told that I'm loved almost as much as I am kissed...or equally as much. We snuggle on the couch
Jay has promised to always be here for us. Life has certainly evolved since we knew each other last. We can actually be adults together. We can have adult beverages together. I have to say, that's one pretty sweet positive! We can make plans together. We can think about life together.
At the ages of 37 and 45, life has given to us the experiences we needed to allow us to be together and work together as a couple. In a little over a month, Jay will hit the 1 year mark of having moved here. We have gone through so much in a year and yet, I am sure that God brought him here at the exact time He did...knowing exactly what I would need.
While my heart is still broken from losing my sweet Cora, my heart is being mended in so many other ways. And...I am thankful.
No comments:
Post a Comment