Death and Dying

It's been nearly 5 months since our Cora passed away and while having an extraordinarily difficult afternoon/evening with my two older children, I had an epiphany.

We have been richly blessed all these years.  Sometimes living far away from family is both a blessing and a curse.  Why?  Grace is the only one who remembers my Papa...my mom's dad.  She remembers creepy mouse with Papa, but at the age of nearly 4 *and me having just turned 29*, we lost Papa.  I was 9 months pregnant and due to deliver 1/10 with Rae.  We weren't able to return to NY for services.  Just 12 days later, my other grandfather passed away.  I was just 9 days post-partum with Rae.

There have been those who have passed since Rae and Cora were both born, but they were more significant to me than to them.  And again, we have lived so far away from family for so long that making an unexpected trip home has more often than not, been impossible.

What am I getting at?  My children have never really had to deal with death and dying.  We happened to see a casket being brought into the church we were attending once, which spurred a whole conversation, but it wasn't personal.

They have never had someone so incredibly close, pass away, seemingly in the blink of an eye.  This again, is a blessing and a curse.  They have been sheltered for so long that they really don't know how to act...how to get their feelings out.  There is lack of understanding...raw pain...anger...resentment...guilt.  All of it.

And...I can't take it away from them.

I wish I could.

All I can say to them is that I know.  I feel those things too.  That I would do anything to have Cora back in our lives.

And to let them know...that I hear them loud and clear.