NOT Fair

Everything seems unfair right now.

I just had another birthday.  I hate that I can have another birthday, but my Cora can't.  I hate that the season is changing and I'm experiencing it, but my Cora isn't.  I hate that I can love the smell of rain, but my Cora isn't here to smell it.

We took pictures with me and the cake.  A first in a lot of years.  I think maybe the last time I had a picture taken for my birthday...with cake and candles...was on my 30th birthday.  And now, having pictures without Cora in them, just doesn't seem right.

In looking back over the past year, so much has changed.  So much.  I have definitely gained weight.  A lot of weight.  I would love to say all of those times of self-talk and knowing what I should do in the face of stress would give me the umph to make it through...not so much.  I have endured more stress than I'd like to admit.  I'd love to say that I'm ready to jump back on the bandwagon, but right now, I am focusing on making it to the next day in life.

I started working again a year ago.  Cora was loving preschool.  We were adjusting to me being out of the house 5 days a week.

Home life has changed.

My family size is down by 1.

And I am a year older.

Things that have not changed:  I live in the same house, I have the same house phone number, and the same e-mail address.

The last year has changed a lot about who I am and how I look at life.  It has shown me who my friends are and who my enemies are.  It has taught me that life isn't about having the strength to carry on, but the courage to face another day.

I'm not sure what to expect in the next year of my life.  I'm pretty sure that I have learned what I have needed to learn this year and that as we move into 2015, life will continue to evolve in ways I never expected.