The Journey Into 2015

In just a half hour, we will be stepping into the new year.  I could kick 2014 in the pants and say 'good riddance', but I'm not sure it will work that way.  I also should be sitting here mapping out some goals for 2015, but I'm not doing that either.  I do know that my health needs a swift kick in the pants.  I miss running.  A lot.  Even Jay has asked me recently why I'm not running any more.

So much has changed in our lives this year and as we head into 2015, things will continue to change.  I'm coming up on 20...yes TWENTY years out of high school in 2015.  I have accomplished more than I ever imagined in 20 years.  I've also had some of the worst heartache in 20 years too.

This one thing I know about losing my child...I'd go through just about anything 10 times over if it meant not experiencing the pain of losing her.

In 6 days, it will have been 8 months since Cora left this earth *and my dear sister's birthday*.  In 10 days, I will have an 8 year old.  In 17 days, I will have a 12 year old.  In 2 months and 18 days, I would have had a 5 year old.

In all honesty, I don't want to go into a new year without my Cora.  I don't like spending day after day without her.  I don't want to think about birthdays anymore.  Birthdays just mean that we're all getting older and she's not.  I don't like thinking about another holiday without her.  They have come and gone so quickly that I wish that they could last a bit longer.  Or that I could have a re-do.

I do have some hopes for the new year.  I hope that there is abundant joy, laughter and love.  I hope that there will be new beginnings.  I hope that there is peace in my heart.  I hope for contentment. I hope for forgiveness.  I hope for growth...in who I am and who I want to become.

For those of you that read this, I hope that 2015 brings you all contentment in the little things, joy in the unexpected, and peace through the difficult times.

All I Want For Christmas

All I want for Christmas,

can't be bought in any store.

All I want for Christmas,

is a wish for something more.

All I want for Christmas,

is to see your beautiful face.

All I want for Christmas,

is for a simple change in pace.

All I want for Christmas,

is to hear your sweet little voice.

All I want for Christmas,

is to have been given a simple choice.

All I want for Christmas,

is just one more minute; one more day.

All I want for Christmas,

is a wish for another way.

All I want for Christmas,

is for mom's to never grieve.

All I want for Christmas,

is to find an ounce; an ounce of reprieve.

All I want for Christmas,

is to send you all of my love.

All I want for Christmas,

is to know you're happy, with Jesus up above.

All I want for Christmas,

can't be bought in any store.

All I want for Christmas,

is for you to know, I love you even more.

©K. Iannello

December 18, 2014

The "H" Word

I have been thinking about the "h" word a lot lately.  I already asked my friend, who is the queen of everything fall/holiday related, to share some of her umph with me.  She lovingly reminded me that I need to take one day at a time.  But darn it, I'm having a hard time not looking ahead, not looking at what looms on the horizon, and what will be knocking on my doorstep in just a matter of months.

You see, this coming Wednesday, my 'kids' start back...that is, my classroom full of preschoolers. And once that happens, life will get just a bit busier.  If you think on it a bit more, there's exactly two, yes two weeks left in the month of August.  Then it will be Labor Day.  Then blink a few more times and the "h's" start.

What is this "h" word that I speak of?  It is the holidays.  You know as well as I do that come mid to late September, the stores will start stocking the Christmas stuff right next to the Halloween stuff.  Never mind the fact that Thanksgiving *that holiday that we give thanks for the blessings in our lives...and maybe some of the other things too* is in the middle of those two holidays.  Okay, I'm backing off my soap box  now. 

Let me tell you a wee secret.  The beans were spilled with my oldest daughter a little over a year ago on all things.  No Santa and no Easter Bunny.  *Sniffle*  The amazing thing was that I still had two children who believed wholeheartedly in both.  Sweet!  Only, now I'm missing a piece of that equation.

Remember that friend that said to take one day at a time?  She suggested that I include Cora in some way.  So...my brain has been working on that.

We always carve pumpkins for Halloween.  So, instead of carving one for Cora, we'll decorate one...with markers, material, stickers...whatever it is the girls want to put on there.  We'll then take it over to the cemetery.  I think for Thanksgiving, we'll set an empty place for Cora, so that we can remember her.  And for Christmas?  Aside from remember that the real reason for the season is Christ, we will be lighting a candle for her, hanging her stocking, putting up her ornaments, and possibly doing something at the cemetery.  I do have three solar powered Christmas trees that might just work since they won't have to be doing any mowing if there is snow on the ground.

Of course, I still have time before any of these hit, but she was still young enough that these things were fun for her.  She enjoyed dressing up for Halloween.  She loved looking for Sylvester our elf.  Her little light, was joy the of the holidays.  I'm not saying that my 7 year old doesn't have the light, but there's nothing quite like the joy of a littler person around the holidays.  It's what makes putting up the decorations, listening to the music, the baking and decorating of cookies, the long nights of wrapping presents from all the various relatives, and all the other little things...worthwhile.

Maybe now that I've thought about it, preplanned it, dissected it...ruminated about it...I might...might be able to put it on the back burner for now. 

For now.

Until tomorrow...

when it all begins again.