In just a half hour, we will be stepping into the new year. I could kick 2014 in the pants and say 'good riddance', but I'm not sure it will work that way. I also should be sitting here mapping out some goals for 2015, but I'm not doing that either. I do know that my health needs a swift kick in the pants. I miss running. A lot. Even Jay has asked me recently why I'm not running any more.
So much has changed in our lives this year and as we head into 2015, things will continue to change. I'm coming up on 20...yes TWENTY years out of high school in 2015. I have accomplished more than I ever imagined in 20 years. I've also had some of the worst heartache in 20 years too.
This one thing I know about losing my child...I'd go through just about anything 10 times over if it meant not experiencing the pain of losing her.
In 6 days, it will have been 8 months since Cora left this earth *and my dear sister's birthday*. In 10 days, I will have an 8 year old. In 17 days, I will have a 12 year old. In 2 months and 18 days, I would have had a 5 year old.
In all honesty, I don't want to go into a new year without my Cora. I don't like spending day after day without her. I don't want to think about birthdays anymore. Birthdays just mean that we're all getting older and she's not. I don't like thinking about another holiday without her. They have come and gone so quickly that I wish that they could last a bit longer. Or that I could have a re-do.
I do have some hopes for the new year. I hope that there is abundant joy, laughter and love. I hope that there will be new beginnings. I hope that there is peace in my heart. I hope for contentment. I hope for forgiveness. I hope for growth...in who I am and who I want to become.
For those of you that read this, I hope that 2015 brings you all contentment in the little things, joy in the unexpected, and peace through the difficult times.
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