Please don't get me wrong, I am truly happy for your child being able to...
- ride their bike on just two wheels
- tie their shoes
- write their name
- *insert any number of firsts at the preschool age*
Deflated.
Crushed.
Robbed.
Or maybe I am angry. I'm not angry at you. I'm just angry at the unfairness.
In 55 days, she would have been going to kindergarten.
And in some ways, I have been robbed. I haven't been robbed of material things, but of a life that I had grown and nurtured for over 4 years...nearly 5 years if you go by the time of conception.
Numerous hospitalizations. Vomiting that seemed to have no end. All in an effort to keep both me and this precious little girl healthy until it was time to take of her on the outside.
I took care of this little girl, with the best of my ability for 4 years, 1 month and 10 days until I had to hand her over to the care of the professionals. And even then, I stood by in a supporting role for another 8 days. All for what??? To have her yanked from my arms...to lose every last first I had hoped to see with her...to cheer her on...to push her to attain....to support her in everything she tried.
So, if you don't know me real well and I say something to the effect of, "Enjoy that last...xyz" it's not because I'm trying to make you feel bad. It's because I yearn to have that last xyz with my Cora. Cherish those moments with your babies. Love them like it's the last day you'll get to spend with them. Relish in the memories that you get to make with your children this summer instead of wishing it away.
So in all things...I am sorry, but yet...I'm not.
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